Skywriter Pillows

"I just wanted you to hear it from me first, before you read it in the sky."

Sky Editing.

"I'm gonna have to let him go - that's the third time this week he's had skywriter's block!"

ACME skywriting school

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

Herman Mankiewicz

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Lennon and McCartney.

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

Anna Calvi

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Not to be a motion picture - will remain just a book'

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

Stand-up Romcom

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

George Michael

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka