Ski Bum Gifts

'Yoooo-hooo! Has anyone seen a ski pole that I dropped when I was on the chairlift?'

Winter Breaks

Man crawls out of avalanche to see two rescue dogs relaxing.

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

"Do you feel a draft in here?"

Check out the nice crawdads I have in the bait bucket, George.

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

Desert Island Meals.

Beach con-man.

'Thank-you God.'

Bad fake tan day.

Bring your own inflatable.

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Viking on beach with rubber ring shaped like viking ship.

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Packed boats of families on a seaside holidays

I rather like bucket and spade holidays.

"The tide is coming in, sweetheart!"

Wood Stain and Sun Tan Lotion

Man retrives a mermaid from his swimming trunks after a swim in the sea

Hiding the electronics.

The rocket powered skiier

Iliadette.

"The Englishman goes to the beach once a year to shed his skin."

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

Baby on board.

'I keep very close touch with the office in case things are running too smoothly without me.'

"And then, when I feel like a rum punch and breaded shrimp, I can just swim to Tony’s Trattoria."

'I blame global warming!'

'It must be the dead sea.'

'It's a blonde, long-legged species with a melodious voice and it goes south for the winter.'

"Hawaiian hitchhiker."

'Hey - I love your new Bermuda triangle shorts.'