Skeptic's Guide To Commercials Gifts

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

'Side effects may include....'

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

'I'm a voice over artist.'

are you so alienated from any real form of community that you can no longer distinguish between belonging and conforming?

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

'Of course he's an actor. When was the last time you saw a kid enjoy something that was good for him?'

"But your room does have a sea view, it's 43 miles over there behind the power station."

Cash Rebate

Stephen Harper on the attack ads.

"This is like the time you had me sell water as a 'diet drink'."

"Play it like, sure, the world sees you as just a hamburger, but you know there's so much more to you than that."

Before we begin tonight's dream, a word from our sponsor...

"Has this ever happened to you? Well, with our Medical Emergency Distress System..."

"Get another cab, Dad. This one is creepin' me out."

"...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

'Hey! -- that Maytag repairman is an impostor!'

'I love it, the chief loves it. The client loves it but the Gods don't love it.'

"We used to think sugar and spice were all things nice - until that was proved to be a lie put out by global food manufacturers."

"The improvement is the higher price."

"They do say results will vary."

'Okay, I'll do one more dog food commercial, but I don't want to get typecast.'

"It's flu season, so you'll probably get sick. To repeat: You... will... get... sick. And when you do, there's Helpaflu."

'...But the good news is TV ads have been promoting the idea that money isn't everything.'

'Yummo Toothpaste contains no caffeine, and cleans your teeth better than Coke or Pepsi!'

"Play the old Winston jingle."

"It's not as good a deal as it sounds - it's based on THEIR lifetime."

"You know that drug commercial where everyone is laughing and running around with friends and dogs enjoying the beautiful day? What are they on?"

"Thanks to Trump, no one cares if we lie now in our advertisements or press releases."

"Pudits tell me what to think. TV tells me what to watch. Ads tell me what to buy. You really care about my opinion?"

"The only side effect from this new drug will be a mind-numbing barrage of commercials on daytime TV."

"It's always easy to tell when then TV commercials for Christmas toys have started."

'I'm using my eyes, how are you looking at it?'