Size Seeker Gifts

'You don't have anything in a smaller size do you?'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

'Awright...Who's the dirty, lowdown varmint who's copyin' my plaid-shirt-and-stone-wash-jeans-with-matching-boots-and-vest ensemble?'

"I, TikTok."

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

"And now. . . which shoes?"

Critisize your weight.

Pampered and poodled.

"It seemed like miles to me!"

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

Goldilocks and the seventeen black shoulder bags

Mister Pretty Shoes

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"Let's try for dignified yet playful, while maintaining the spirit of preservation."

"I don't like your application."

"Do you do much walking?"

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

"You won't believe this but I haven't a thing to wear"

'I'll take it!'

Elegant woman in backless dress.

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

Changing Room Decisions

"Of course, lots of women are just going bare-headed."

'Can I have mine with the peak at the front '