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"His father came from a family of climbers."

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'You called me out of the blue... Cobalt, ultramarine, prussian, cerulean or phthalocyanine?'

"As far as form following function, it's a brilliant design for a business center."

"I do count my blessings, but then I end up counting those of others who have more and better blessings, and that pisses me off."

"So how does New York stack up against Uzbekistan?"

Village Pet Shop.

'What I meditate on is we have rice and tea for lunch, and in the west they have burgers, fries and shakes.'

'You don't look like your passport photo.'

Customer: 'Do you have anything for the same price that doesn't cost so much?'

"It's a new travel computer. It fits in your pocket. I suggest bringing your reading glasses."

'You don't have anything in a smaller size do you?'

Woman inspiring herself by chasing after a sign that says 'Size 2'.

Life is a Fare War

'Uh-oh, I think my saddle's on backward. . . No wait, I'm not wearing a saddle.'

"No, don't worry about it, it definitely looks better on you."

#If every time I buy something, you tell me where I could've got it online cheaper...I'm taking that phone away!'

Memoirs

Basketball team toilets.

"Perfect! but it's cheaper online."

Window Shopping

'How do you like those?' - 'Great, I can see the same pair across the road for £5 less.'

"Fine, how was YOUR commute?"

"Oh. Sorry for yelling. I thought you were much farther away."

'Here's the problem!'

'It's so cute when he he sits like that.'

"Such bargains on this side!"