Situational Humor Fans Pillows

Ledge Rescue Service

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

'We found you in a cabbage!'

Tequila Mockingbird

"Maybe I'm aiming too high...maybe 'saving for a cool car' is too hard."

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

'Guess who's teething?'

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

'Henry, cut that out.'

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

"Relax, he could just be looking for fun."

Under New Mismanagement

"When you said we were going to push the boat out tonight, I thought you meant we were going to a fancy restaurant!"

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Beer Lunch

Sure, snoring is a big issue at our house too: you've seen the size of my dad's nose...

"Oh you kids and that cursed painting in the closet keep me young."

"What?!"

Make your own bottled water.

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

Sawrd Fighting

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

Privatization and Deregulation are the gas in the engine of the economy.

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

I told you not to touch its belly.

Psycho-plankton.

Pastoral Choirs

My Youtube channel's taking off. Mine too, little buddy. You have a Youtube channel? Of course, it's got 12.8 million subscribers. I accompanies my best-selling MANuals book series. I post a video per day. There's "Pickup Artist Mondays," "Man-Grooming Tuesdays," "Relationship Escape-Artist Wednesdays" ... "Become an Alpha in Five Minutes Thursdays" ... "New Advances in Speedos Fridays," and "Using Quantum Physics and the Multiverse Theory to Explain Why that Lady She Caught You with was Actuall

"I hate when this happens."

"It's not you, I just prefer big dogs."

'Look, that peasant is eating something -- the economy's on the move again!'