Situation Smoother Gifts

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

Mediation Process

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

Do you mind if my mother joins our little business dinner ? You know what it's like, I don't want people from the office to think I'm sleeping my way to the top.

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

'Well sure, YOU'VE got brakes on FOUR wheels!'

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"Ed Lowry: Worst hunter ever"

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

Panic Button

'Okay, but for future reference; We never grit the ice in here.'

"This one is really unusual. We have to remove a horseshoe from a guy's naval."

'He thinks we're watering down the cement.'

'Yes, I did agree to a double date. However, taking two women out at the same time isn't what I expected!'

Social butterfly

'Fantastic meeting! . . . Just fantastic. Why don't I have my weasels call your weasels.'

Adoption centre nurse accepting a bribe from a pack of wolves

"That's not what you told my screener you wanted to talk about."

"One man's apocalypse is another man's mandate."

'Let me take you away from all this — I know a much better bar across the street.'

'Dude! Quick! Jump in! We've got to balance the load!'

"I can’t chase you today … he’s in one of his moods."

'Could you help me? My parents are lost.'

'I just don't think it appropriate to have your old divorce lawyer as your best man.'

Man on desert island asks for a lighter rather than a rescue.

'What is it now, Dennis...can't you see I'm busy?'

'Poor Danny - every sheep shearing season he got in trouble!'

'Yes... Now I see - no pocket. So perhaps the glove is defective.'

Shaving Accidents

'Excuse me, but you wouldn't be Gloria Lushbody, would you?'

'They all send their love except Mother who says break the other arm.'