Sit-down Comedy King Pillows

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"Yours is adjustable?"

'Let's go to a bar and do something funny.'

'The dog ate my homework -- I thought maybe you could X-ray him.'

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

'You're not really that much help, Ben.'

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

“Pottery Classes – Give it a Whirl!”

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

"Here's a request from someone who'd like to hear something in tune for a change. Oh, we have a comedian out there, I see."

"Congratulations, Gentlemen! We removed it from his skull without damaging his funny bone!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

'This new jester doth appeal to me.'

'That's a personal foul, roughing the passer!'

'Never forget, Sweetheart, it's my low comedy that keeps you in high fashion!'

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

'I'm looking for an assistant who can keep me in mind of how well I'm doing.'

Chris O'Dowd

"You have a really lousy sense of humor."

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"All of my visitors have to wear that get up. Apparently my humour is very infectious."

Up your end.

"I'm feeling a lot of love in the room - with the exception of that guy over there."

'How animals mark their territory'

John Woodvine

"The last doggy bag."

'Desks equipped with airbags - for now that's our company's health plan.'

"I'd like an application form for the position of minister, please!"

At the Brew-haha Comedy Club

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

'You're not supposed to use fabric softener on ARMOR!'

Dante Alighieri

Life Imitates Arf....