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'I don't like the way that guy is looking at me.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"Honey, this is serious, we need to text."

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

'I'm sorry but I need my own space.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'Your place or mine? Both. You go to your place and I'll go to mine!'

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

"Do you, Amanda and John, promise to watch yourselves, mind your Ps and Qs, and generally step on eggshells in this marriage, in order to somehow keep it up and running for as long as possible?"

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"No, Phil, I'm not grateful that we finally have some time alone."

"Thanks for that."

Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasal spray instead of super glue!

"It's not all your fault, some of it is my mother's!"

'We tried marriage your way and it didn't work. Now it's my way!'

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

"I don't understand... I've scientifically proven that you were wrong. How can you still be mad at me?"

Cyber Fight

"Feel free to hydrate during my presentation."

"Once we're all vaccinated, will you still want to spend every waking moment together?"

"You're not working as a crossing guard now, Brenda."

"I need a man who will commit."

"Honey, wake up! I just remembered something you did that annoyed the hell out of me!"

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

'I feel like I just don't know you anymore, Richard!'