Single Sibling Pillows

"And she's bringing her TWIN!!"

"I want you to meet Dave. You'll get a kick out of his money."

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

'No! I've learned my lesson. No more blind dates for me.' 'But Jenny's different. She doesn't even have a nice personality.'

'Where are all these alien abductors when you need them?'

'Speed rejection evening.'

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

"Will somebody tell him to hurry up and that he's not on Blind Date."

'You want a 'Paris Hilton' lookalike, do you? -- You seem more like the 'Motel 6' type.'

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

Come dine with me!

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Bond James, Bond."

"Ahhh... close enough."

The Art Student.

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

Glastonbury. After.

'I have this fear of the real world...'

Polly txt speak

At the Museum

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Grace For Flies

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

I like the Jets...I guess

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'