Singing Gifts

Non-Denominational Carols

'He's here to hit the high notes.'

'All right, who left this ring in the bath?'

'A little more practice and I'm sure you'll get it right.'

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."

"This next song is also called AWHOOOOO."

Frank Zappa

Out of tuna

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

Loud Chorister

"Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl..."

'Figures can be misleading - So I've written a song which I think expresses the real story of the firms performance this quarter.'

A bird's song is trapped in a musical stave.

'You're out of key, and you've totally picked the wrong number for your vocal range. Face it, you'll never make it as carol singers'

'They'll get better in time, but right now I call them the 'Okay Chorale'.'

'You sound like a bunch of cats! The growl has to be deeper and the barks crisper. Okay, let's take it again from the first howl.'

'Page 37 in your hymnals and selection #15 on your iPods.'

While singing the popular song, Clay was disturbed to discover that his thigh bone wasn't connected to his hip bone, that it was, in fact, connected to nothing.

'I don't understand that 'C' in music. I sing louder than anyone else.'

Warning: No Bob, Bob Bobbing Along. By Order of the Health and Safety Executive.

'Ed moves that we buy new choir slickers and adjourn for pizza. Do I hear a second?'

JimmyFest 2006

"Someday, gentlemen, I promise you - the heady days of 'Come a ti yi yippie yippie yay' will be back."

"Oh, for Pete's sake! He walks the walk and he talks the talk...MUST he also sing the songs?"

"'I'm a good dog, Mama, I'll bring you your daily news. I'm a good dog, Mama, I don't chew my master's shoes. But there's one thing life has learnt me - Even good dogs get the blues.' Blow some sweet harp for me, Lucky."

The Ethel Mormon Tabernacle Choir

"Okay, who's singing 'How great thou Arrrrrrrrt?"

"O.K., next time around let's ease up on the vibrato."

"A trillion bottles of beer on the wall, a trillion bottles of beer..."

The sound of mucus.

Singer's shadow covering it's ears.

Rick decides to save his real lyrics for when someone is actually listening.

Fun (circa 1955)

"There's only the four of us. I hope you like doo-wop."

Chorister's Loose Teeth