Singers Pillows

Cough Mixture for Angels

Can't carry a tune. Please help.

Shepherd and eurydice

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Showbiz Awards

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

Omara Portuondo

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

A Fairytale Update

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

Papageno from The Magic Flute

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

Red Letter Days - A declaration of love in public

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Michael, your father and I are worried that you're awfully young to be singing the blues."

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

Annie, the Reptile version: 'The sun will come out tomorrow! Tomorrow! You will sun yourself tomorrow!'

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'