Sinful Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Saint Peter wants to borrow a lawyer.'

'It was great. I hated it.'

St. Elmo's fired.

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

Hades Movie Awards After Show. The dealy sins were all here -- They love walking the red carpet! Pride won tonight for a leading role and envy won for a supporting role. Wrath was seen yelling at at the paparazzi ... Lust tried to meet beautiful actresses ... and Gluttony rushed off to the buffet. Greed is already counting all the money he'll make because he won an award. And when sloth won, he received the night's biggest ovation ... because he was too lazy to give an acceptance speech!

'Stocks soared on news a financial lobbyist wants 'greed' dropped as one of the cardinal sins.'

Special Place in Hell...

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

"In heaven there are no trees."

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

'Well, John, in the past two years you've gone from being extremely depressed to being basically unhappy like the rest of us. My work here is done.'

"Is it just me or does the dog seem calmer since you got it that new collar?"

'Always remember, son...there's an unsuspecting public out there.'

'No, I heard you snoring -- you just dreamed that you attained Nirvana.'

'I'm promoting you from yes-man to corporate stooge.'

"Everything has been done to death."

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

Meditating cat. 'Hi! You have reached the 4th state of consciousness. We're not in right now...

'We also sell water for eighty dollars a glass.'

"They're all down there sentenced to an an eternity of fornication, licentiousness and intoxication."

'That's right. I took all your money and didn't teach you a darn thing -- enlightening, isn't it?'

"Now that I'm enlightened, I have to admit: I kind of miss the suffering."

'Every time one door closes, another one opens. Can you fix it?'

Deadly Sins Dept. Envy. Lust. Sloth. Pride. Greed. Wrath. Gluttony. At times it seems like it should be, but "oversharing" is not a deadly sin.

Priest

'I'm afraid you're going to have to stay with us for a thousand years, but your sins are tax-deductible.'

"And, if you don't have an attorney, we have millions of them."

'Scaling back public healthcare would be fine, but they'd better not mess with our congressional perks...'

"I'll have Envy for starter, Greed for Main and Lust to follow."

'Nice to see your dept made a profit, Kimble.'

"As far as I'm concerned, we didn't get out a moment too soon."

'This is God I Missed you in church last Sunday.'

"It appeals to pride, greed, lust, sloth and envy, but we're overlooking gluttony and avarice."

Suggest box leads to resignation box

'It's amazing how fast people become big tippers.'