Similarity Sleuths Pillows

"I'd like to introduce our guest speaker, here to speak about the phenomenon of deja vu."

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

"Grammar-police, sir, we have some questions about your online posts and the inappropriate use of apostrophes."

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

"Let me through... I’m an armchair detective!"

Don't look know, but I think you're being Googled.

"Light at the end of the tunnel!"

"We're sure we've got the right numbers... Now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

'I could have sworn I put those moon rocks in my pocket...'

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

"I write these in my manager's handwriting, so no one will hate me."

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

"It's two sizes too big, but it fits."

'Do I have a story to tell about Novox Genlab!'

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

'Who's your Daddy?'

'You must have something in my size?'

'Bravo Professor, you stumbled upon the one fact that makes sense of it all. Unfortunately humanity is not permitted to know that the Universe was designed by a committee of ducks.'

'Your acceptance is tentative until we can rule on the question of your knowingly using pirated software.'

'I see you have some blended content. Some of it's tue, some of it's false.'

'Sure, I can reprogram your microchip if you want to change your identity...'

'Wow, Professor Jones, that's an impressive back-of-the-envelope calculation!'

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

He crash tests software.

Mental Breakdown

It's my turn to put you under electronic surveillance. Cops-n-Robbers-n-Identity Thieves-n-Corporate Investigators.

"According to this website my symptoms show that I'm dead!"

'Sir, we need your passport, driver's license, and Facebook name!'