Silver Years Strategist T-Shirts

"I increase my small pension by working as an expert on selling anti-incontinence products!"

"I finally cleaned my room. You don't think she'll look in the yard, do you?"

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

"I like to stay on top of things."

My first mistake.

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"First, they take my domain, then they take my domain name."

Hospital: Senior Care/Long Term Care/Who Cares

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

Bad times for retirees.

'You keep asking me to change when I can't remember what from.'

'War is heck!'

'You can get into enough trouble just in Geneva -- no way you're going to a summit conference in LAS VEGAS!'

"His hip isn't getting any better. I really should have him put to sleep."

"Hey, that's what everyone thinks about the strategic planning department! I've got a crystal ball and we all study the occult! Hah Hah Hah!..."

"As a kid I was told, 'Act your age.' As an adult I'm told, 'Don't look your age.'"

"Nobody said it would be easy!"

"My mom's having a baby. That automatically moves me into a middle management capacity within the family infrastructure."

"You know you're old when you have to warm up just to take out the garbage."

With the Latest Snow and Frigid Cold Things to Consider . . .

"There's more to being a pensions adviser than just handling the figures..."

New Age: Retirement Plan

"To assume Leonard has a bucket list, you have to first assume he actually wants to do anything."

'Keep your eye on the ball, Jake! Level swing! Rotate your hips! ... and ease up on the sunflower seeds!'

'I qualify for the senior citizen's discount, girlie, but how about you just give me the money instead?'

"Gracie, we've sitting here all day planning our first week of summer fun."

'Just taking precautions in case the plumber doesn't come before the house sinks!'

Woman telling friend her husband got her a colonoscopy for their silver anniversary.

-I need the day off, please. It;s our silver anniversary. -You mean I have to put up with this every 25 years?

"Always borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect to be paid back."

'We've decided to stay together for the sake of Ken's pension.'