Silver Years Strategist Pillows

"I increase my small pension by working as an expert on selling anti-incontinence products!"

Aging Support Group

"I finally cleaned my room. You don't think she'll look in the yard, do you?"

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

"This connect the dots is taking FOREVER!"

"I like to stay on top of things."

My first mistake.

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"Maybe I can be a campaign worker."

"First, they take my domain, then they take my domain name."

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

Hospital: Senior Care/Long Term Care/Who Cares

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

Bad times for retirees.

"His hip isn't getting any better. I really should have him put to sleep."

'You keep asking me to change when I can't remember what from.'

'War is heck!'

'You can get into enough trouble just in Geneva -- no way you're going to a summit conference in LAS VEGAS!'

"Hey, that's what everyone thinks about the strategic planning department! I've got a crystal ball and we all study the occult! Hah Hah Hah!..."

"As a kid I was told, 'Act your age.' As an adult I'm told, 'Don't look your age.'"

"Nobody said it would be easy!"

"My mom's having a baby. That automatically moves me into a middle management capacity within the family infrastructure."

With the Latest Snow and Frigid Cold Things to Consider . . .

"There's more to being a pensions adviser than just handling the figures..."

"You know you're old when you have to warm up just to take out the garbage."

New Age: Retirement Plan

'Keep your eye on the ball, Jake! Level swing! Rotate your hips! ... and ease up on the sunflower seeds!'

"To assume Leonard has a bucket list, you have to first assume he actually wants to do anything."

-I need the day off, please. It;s our silver anniversary. -You mean I have to put up with this every 25 years?

Woman telling friend her husband got her a colonoscopy for their silver anniversary.

'Just taking precautions in case the plumber doesn't come before the house sinks!'

'I qualify for the senior citizen's discount, girlie, but how about you just give me the money instead?'

"Gracie, we've sitting here all day planning our first week of summer fun."

"Always borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect to be paid back."