Silver Years Humor Gifts

'You keep asking me to change when I can't remember what from.'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"I wrote this one after my third startup failed. It’s called ‘I Got Yer App Right Here.’"

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

"We're neither software nor hardware. We're your parents."

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

Hospital: Senior Care/Long Term Care/Who Cares

Life begins at 60

"Mom, does granddad want me to run away? He's playing that Disco music again!"

"Greatest Band?"

'Dang.'

'Your breathing test results would be normal ... if you were 3'8' and 150 years old.'

High pants/Low pants.

"Nothing makes me feel so old as having to scroll down and down to find my year of birth."

At the Old Bikers' Home

"Things were really different when I was growing up. Childhoods today are much longer."

"I'm Generation Z. Nice to meet you."

"This is my mom's phone. Instead of a hashtag, it has a pound sign."

"Ha! This younger is so absorbed in social media that he cannot appreciate his youth, unlike I, aging millennial, who cannot appreciate his thirties."

'He's still got his looks - good job I've got used to them.'

'You're in your nineties and still fancy women?' - 'Early nineties.'

"What the hell - a second adolescence is better than a second childhood."

"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."

Why can't you just buy some extra memory like everybody else?

"I said, with these new tax breaks, we'll be able to buy more leaves for the table."