Silly Sweetheart Gifts

"Sometimes Ben does very dumb things. I love that in him."

"I love you, you big fool."

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

'That one's going to be a klutz.'

"Well, here he is. He just grew on me until I couldn't stand it anymore."

'I'm looking for something that says 'I love you' without getting too personal.'

"Ready...."

"I've got buck teeth, an overbite, big ears, pink eye, a harelip, and I live in a hole. She must love me!"

'Sure, I am usually old and wise, but with you my boy, I just love to be silly!'

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

Penguin and polar bear watching Eskimos throw snowballs.

Playing Footsies.

"I want to make it with you."

"At last...after so many missed days...so many cruel days apart...we are together once again!"

They were young and in love, and Harold would spend whole weekends counting the freckles on Arlene's back, Of course they were also incredibly stupid,,, Arlene only had seven freckles,

"Curious and curiouser."

You know, I'll always think of the song that's on the Juke box right now as

'The gravy? Was that 'boat' or 'train', sir?'

Market. Sale. Bottled Water. Improved! Now 25% Wetter!

'Don't worry. We'll fit into these things by spring.'

How you can tell you're in a committed relationship...

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

"Oh, yes, Paul—whisper sweet sponsored content in my ear."

Young Love

ACME DATING SERVICE, 'Do you take trade-ins?'

"Just shoot me if I ever take up power walking."

"Not one looks like her date's profile pic."

Old woman with a government improvement grant meeting with a cosmetic surgeon

Bitch-Slapping Scalia

Inflatable Boat.

'What is it now, Dennis...can't you see I'm busy?'

"Can I carry your ipad for you Cindy?"

"This is my husband, John. He works for the CIA."

'Aww, how cute. They sent you a valentine subpoena.'