Shrubbery Stylist T-Shirts

"We have a new line of designer hedge funds...the Topiary Group."

Doing the borders.

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"I hear you've been doing exciting things with eggs and dye."

'What's holding him up?'

Redecorating Easter Island.

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

"Next time you meet me dressed as a giant boy, it's going to cost you a pair of diamond earrings."

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

'They suit you.'

'Wow - My kind of man.'

"I opted for the upgrades."

Duchess of Cambridge

A topiary doghouse

'Dan sculpted the shrubs to look like hunters to keep the deer from eating them.'

The Burbs

"To prove I'm human, I check the box. It still won't let me in."

"Honey,...Oscar wants to go for a walk."

"I just had these linen scrubs dry-cleaned!"

If clothes make the man make sure yours don't make you into a twat.

"I knew there would be a time I could wear them without destroying my feet."

Decorator Farming

Could you make me look a little bit more 'cowy'?

'I think you'd look pretty good in a bun.'

"Peter went in last Sunday to prune...but I haven't seen him since"

Topiary chair.

'Forget it, I don't support them anymore.'

"I hope I don't get any tanning lines."

"You have no idea how long it takes him to wash his hair."

"They're all in fashion this time of year - just pick one!"

"Aren't you worried that I may be a serial killer..?"

Man with curly moustache and eyebrows.

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"And which solar system are you from?"

Barnyard wigs.