Showbiz Survivor Pillows

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

Desert Island BBQ

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

"When you're voted out of "Survivor", I thought they just sent you home!"

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

That Bear Grylls eats some EVIL crap, I'm telling you!

Robot Bores

"You are so lucky I keep kosher."

Hillary knew to not get too excited about being in remission since bad news could again come out of nowhere.

"An exclusive group. Each survived three scandals and was re-elected."

'Face it, Al, there's no business like show business for you anymore.'

He's listened to 'Mull of Kintyre' eleven times and he's still holding.

"Life was beautiful. Then I read the comments."

'What'

Work Meeting Rules

Survivor Game

"Relax, eventually the scar will disappear!"

'Okay, this time I've added - "How do you rate this message?" with one to five stars.'

"I only kill the messenger if PowerPoint is involved."

'Well - how'd the party go, after I left last night?'

Public transport

"It's not enough I have to think outside the box. Now I have to think outside the bubble!"

The Grim Reaper

Going Under the Horse Jump.

'Didn't you see the tweet? The sky is falling!'

"Actually I'm conducting a little experiment for the BBC"

'...but where we're concerned I AM the last man on earth!'

"Well. It was looking good until that last hot flash."

Scale of Ambition/Length of Lockdown

"For my 15 minutes of fame I've gotten 60 days of social media abuse."

"Whatever you say, a month without connectivity has been a great detox."

"Don't you think you're taking these programmes a bit too seriously?"