Showbiz Survivor Pillows

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

Desert Island BBQ

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

That Bear Grylls eats some EVIL crap, I'm telling you!

"When you're voted out of "Survivor", I thought they just sent you home!"

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

Hillary knew to not get too excited about being in remission since bad news could again come out of nowhere.

"An exclusive group. Each survived three scandals and was re-elected."

"You are so lucky I keep kosher."

Robot Bores

'Face it, Al, there's no business like show business for you anymore.'

He's listened to 'Mull of Kintyre' eleven times and he's still holding.

"Life was beautiful. Then I read the comments."

'What'

Work Meeting Rules

Survivor Game

"Relax, eventually the scar will disappear!"

'Okay, this time I've added - "How do you rate this message?" with one to five stars.'

"I only kill the messenger if PowerPoint is involved."

'Don't be in such a hurry! The wine needs time to breathe.'

"It's not enough I have to think outside the box. Now I have to think outside the bubble!"

'Well - how'd the party go, after I left last night?'

The Grim Reaper

"He just realized that Ken Burns will never make a ten-part series on any aspect of his life."

Public transport

Going Under the Horse Jump.

'Didn't you see the tweet? The sky is falling!'

"Actually I'm conducting a little experiment for the BBC"

"Don't you think you're taking these programmes a bit too seriously?"

"Whoa, heh. Tough crowd."

"Delphine has been interviewed for, and accepted by, 'Survivor.' "

'...but where we're concerned I AM the last man on earth!'

"For my 15 minutes of fame I've gotten 60 days of social media abuse."