Shortcut Skeptic Gifts

'Don't be discouraged. Do it over. Monitor the results for three months. Then, to be sure, do it again for another three months. Record your findings. Write your paper.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

UK border controls relaxed.

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

The suggestion box.

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

"I think we could work very well together."

Suggestions Box

"Sorry we’re late, but apparently the journey of 1,000 miles begins with 'I know a shortcut around this traffic'."

'And now, Henderson will introduce his 25-part plan on spontaneity.'

'Haffner, we'll have none of your common sense suggestions!'

Your DNA is in the database.

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

"OK, I'll be the one to say it. With all due respect, sir, that is one heck of a big 'if!'"

Man taking a shortcut to centre of a maze

"The shipping industry has a name for the bold type of corporate restructuring we're about to undertake..."

'Now, I want you to get back out there and beg him for mercy!'

'Of course we're making a lot of mistakes - this is a dummy corporation.'

'The new business plan is the same as the old business plan except that, due to layoffs, we have less scapegoats to blame in case of failure.'

"These numbers are great! How did you folks turn our manufacturing division around so quickly?"

'Are you sure it's necessary to sign this part declaring 'all information is true and correct to the best of my knowledge'?.'

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

This homeland security is getting out of hand.

"That'll keep them out."

'For your safety, these stalls are monitored by a single person in a discreet location.'

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

"If you'd bullshitted your work like the rest of us, you'd be home by now."

"I've got about 3 more inches before I'm willing to get reading glasses."

A man realises surveillance cameras are on him at the urinal.

'You and your shortcuts.'