Shortcut Schemer T-Shirts

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

"Do you call this a business plan?"

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

"I think we could work very well together."

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"It's a setup."

"Sorry we’re late, but apparently the journey of 1,000 miles begins with 'I know a shortcut around this traffic'."

"So you want to hide it from other squirrels by presented to deposit it in savings, then taking it back and putting it in a secret account?"

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

Man taking a shortcut to centre of a maze

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

"Just take the free kick, and stop wasting time."

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

'Oh, that's Dan, the congressman's right AND left hand man'

'Why we have architects'

"Yes, I gave him enough rope, and NO, he didn't hang himself!"

"If you'd bullshitted your work like the rest of us, you'd be home by now."

"May I have your attention? For Christmas, all I want is for everyone to write a note on how smart, charming and social I am. I'm collecting college reference letters before I enter my terrible teens."

"Better use the ink wedge."

'So! THis is what you do all day.'

'Boswell, it's been brought to my attention that your hidden agenda is in direct conflict with my hidden agenda.'

'You and your shortcuts.'

COWS: Cow chess

'High interest rates won't stop me from shopping!'

"It goes so much faster with this."

Cost of food in Cuba