Shopping Mall Sprinter T-Shirts

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

Professional man hurdling

'Whenever he stares out the window like that I know he's about to go into a gardening frenzy.'

He won't stop talking about being the fastest ever. He's a broken record about breaking a record.

T-Rex Racing: A Short-Lived Sport

Runner's High, Runner's Low

Large Very Fresh Eggs

'You're never going to win any race in those platform shoes.'

Cheetah in at the start of a race, thinking: 'Why do I have to keep proving myself?'

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

'No, I'm NOT break dancing.'

"When it came to running, Kevin was second to none."

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

Freeways in the Supermarket

"Athlete? No. Ambulance chaser."

'How come they're making size 16 smaller these days?'

'Hurry dear, before the prices go up again!'

"Today is catch-your-own day."

Little girl running alongside athlete asking for autograph.

Sweaters. Remember, son, we're men. We walk in, we buy, we walk out. No browsing.

Overcoming the obstacles of the Internet

'I'm giving my tortoise a white knuckle ride!'

'Spinout!'

Road signs point to various things to buy including "women's wear", "office supplies" and "household appliances".

'It's his only form of exercise these days...chasing yield.'

'Until that stabilizes, we will be monitoring your doses of market news.'

Runners have a pay toll.

'I can't find my keys!'

'Wow! She's fast. She even had time to do her shopping!'

Factory raised chickens. . .Free range chickens. . . Chickens that crossed the road.

Food Formerly Sold As Milk/Food Formerly Made with Sugar/Food Formerly Known as Meat/Food Former Fried.

Huge, steroid taking sprinter.

'They're very easy to use - just remember not to press the large button marked 'Nitro' '

'She's in training for the Olympics. The 100 metre sprint to the checkout.'

'D'you want to see me run the 100 metres? ...D'you want to see it again?'