Shop-smart Guru Gifts

"To remind me of costs, I've replaced every 's' in my shopping list with a dollar sign."

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

'She's so put together!'

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

A women in a shoeshop.

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Absolutely not!"

Keeping warm.

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

At the suit makers

'Do you like my little black number?'

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

'This is our bestselling power tie. Just put it on and clap twice.'

Mr Metrosexual.

'Trust me, it's very proper to mix stripes.'

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

"It's the only way I can justify buying so many shoes."

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

"A naked dress is perfect when you have nothing to wear."

His and Her wardrobe's

"Everybody should live in a market economy. It's terrific."

Santa called but you were out!

'Do you have anything a little longer in the leg ?'

"That shirt is so last year."

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"