Shop-smart Guru Gifts

"To remind me of costs, I've replaced every 's' in my shopping list with a dollar sign."

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

'She's so put together!'

A women in a shoeshop.

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"Absolutely not!"

Keeping warm.

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

'This is our bestselling power tie. Just put it on and clap twice.'

Mr Metrosexual.

'Do you like my little black number?'

At the suit makers

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

'Trust me, it's very proper to mix stripes.'

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

"Everybody should live in a market economy. It's terrific."

Santa called but you were out!

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

'Do you have anything a little longer in the leg ?'

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

"That shirt is so last year."

"A naked dress is perfect when you have nothing to wear."

His and Her wardrobe's