Shop Skeptics Pillows

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

Down on Her.

'This associate has a first rate mind...and a third rate suit.'

Cold caller.

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

"Well...this meeting is about...ummhh...structure and...ummhhh...preparation. Well...ummhh...at least I think so..."

New From The People Who Brought You I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-A-Petroleum-By-Product Sandwich Spread

"Someone's been sending me J. Crew catalogues."

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

Sales company

"I was supposed to prepare your year-end review but I figured youe sales chart would just save me the trouble."

'...I know it's a good discount but we don't need double glazing!'

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

'Well, I'm AGAINST adding a course in business methods to the curriculum....

Financial Christmas

"They're 60 per cent wool, 30 per cent nylon, 35 percent interest..."

End Of Consumer Confidence Sale

'Why do I think that someone has made up these numbers?'

Puppet director, dummy corporation.

"Oh, we only use them when simple PR won't do."

"We can see that you just bought a fridge and thought you might be interested in a fridge."

"No no no! Stripes are soooo half-past four!"

'When we said 'One size fits all' we didn't mean all at the same time.'

'Before sending these ideas I have to the boss, run them past legal, my Ouija board and my magic 8 ball.'

How to dress for forty below...if you're over forty, or under twenty.

"Wise up. You and me do not make a ferret craze."

Coming soon: The Garden of Eden Shopping Center.

Microscope's R Us. 'What do you mean out 'No Refunds' small print is too small.'

'No Wallmart...No Target...No mall...How can you call this paradise?'

Extended warranty on the sales guy.

"Why don't you just go to the supermarket like everybody else?"

'The answer is still no. I'm not interested!'

Supermarket - 'Buy One, Get 5kg Of Packaging Free'

I think I could explain it better to the girl in your TV commercial.