Shoe Style Detective Pillows

I didn't know there were so many gardeners. They aren't gardeners. Flower Show. He is. She isn't. She is. How can you tell? Look at their feet!

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

Hipster Police Department

'Dog got your clog?'

'After you with the camouflage.'

Shrink

'Daddy, why is that man wearing a blank T-shirt?'

"Nobody told me it was formal."

'Did you see who pushed you?'

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

'Men are from one branch of Starbucks, women from another.'

'Hmmm...where's that other sock?'

'I think you may have misunderstood the invitation when it said 'Black Tie Only'!'

'How come I haven't got a pair of socks?'

"We won't lose any more socks in the laundry...I knotted them all together."

Look at all our kids' clothing! Sneakers made in Vietnam. Pants from China. Sweaters from Thailand. Sports gear from Macau! They don't need so much stuff!! One obvious rule will stop all this consumerism. Good idea! Kids! From now on

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

'No Shirt, No Shoes, No Head, No Service.'

Hmm, no, I think I prefer something off the rack.

"Do you really want to tell me that you don't know anything about the vanishing of 21 socks within the last four months??!"

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

"Where'd you find it, dad?"

'Danae says her room is now a think tank for B.O.S.S. . . .a lobby bent on ridding the world of boys.'

"Shhh. I think I heard my name."

"So. . . you're back!"

Fake beggar.

'...can't you read??'

"...between a medium and a large - I like to call it 'Marge'."

Gurus wise words on lost socks

"The suspect was described as wearing totally pedestrian bluejeans, an indifferent gray sweatshirt, and a trucker's cap, without the slightest sense of irony."

After ditching the footwraps the Russian army faces the lost sock paradox.

"Nobody told me it was formal."

"Hello 911? Yes it is an emergency. It's my ball. It's gone right under the sofa."

"Why, you poor child. You're running right over to Brooks Brothers."

"Decades of calculations and we still can't figure out a standard formula for women's clothing sizes."