Shock Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'I told you not to touch the hot line!'

'George, why don't you break down and buy a electric fence tester.'

"But, for ten million bucks, would you lick it?"

"You can't say the dog ate your homework, it's really hackneyed. Say your mother is addicted to prescription drugs."

Child with an eyeball in his mouth.

Many communities are allowing the use of Tasers on shoppers who are on cell pones as they check out.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Police Feline Unit

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"His first out-of-body experience."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

Selling lemon latt�