Shift Worker Gifts

"No, I'm not the mugging victim... I'm a nurse. I always look like this at the end of my shift."

"I didn't think this shift was ever going to end, YOU are in for a long day my friend, and water-bottle is going to have to come in early."

"You see, mom...this is how John spends the day since he started working the nightshift!"

"Let me guess, Mr Saunders - the early shift is too early for you?!"

"Without my coffee, I'd never make it working nights."

'As a cemetery worker... I prefer working the 'graveyard' shift!'

"I can work for twelve straight hours without needing to be recharged."

"When did your shift start?"

'You're doing great. I'll take over at half past. . .'

"I see you've been put on nights AGAIN!"

"Wow, that's a tough life! Thank goodness I'm not a dairy cow: I couldn't handle the morning shifts..."

"Apparently night shifts undermine our health..."

"We're in luck - it's Father Time-and-a -Half."

"I've decided to transfer you to the graveyard shift."

"It my dad and Tio Tony! They just got off a double graveyard shift."

Graveyard Shift

'I need to work a different shift.'

'A fag end, and at the fag end of our shift! Let it lie.'

"My grades have slipped since Dad stopped helping me with my homework."

'Sign me up for swing shift basic training! I don't think I could handle early morning hours.'

When I was a teenager I used to stay out all night chasing girls. Now I have to work all night supporting one!

'I'm working a double-shift today...'

'Here, every shift is the graveyard shift, Collins.'

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Now may not be a good time,he just found out he's not going to live forever.

Off Duty.

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."