Shag Carpet Fan Gifts

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

I rather like bucket and spade holidays.

"I don't have the lip for saxaphone."

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

Shaggy dog/Shaggy Owner.

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

'It's a chinstache. They were popular in the 1800's, but now they're coming back.'

"I may have been the runt of the litter, but online I'm the alpha dog."

Renee Zellweger as Judy Garland

Man with long beard looks at centerfold in Beard Monthly magazine.

Chuck played mean hair guitar.

"Oh, stop whining. We ALL need a haircut."

"You must be new around here, pardner."

Shaquille O'Neal donates his old socks to boy scouts.

"I love to watch cat videos on the internet!"

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

"Wow, an African Blackwood cat-flap and a red carpet! They must really love you!"

"Creative, imaginative, and fierce-these are just a few of the words that I'm reading off the teleprompter."

Boss? I got a memo saying you want me to stop looking t so many Sirius Disclosure videos on Youtube. The past few days, you and your online girlfriend have been frequenting those videos and the associated Facebook group. Has it occurred to you that if we really do have contact with aliens ... if there really are twelve races, including reptilians who sign your payche - I mean, who control everything - that there's a reason they're keeping all this a secret? Very. Bad. Man. I've compiled a playli

World of Cow - Goldfish aren't the only ones to grow into their environments.

181 yeard old, huh? This is the worst fake I.D. I've ever seen. And that beard! Ha! Nice try, Mr.... Uhh... 'Van Winkle.'

'I said shag carpeting.'

His movember moustache made him feel very distinguished.

'No - I'll give the underlay a miss.'

Universal Movie Awards. We've seen celebrities from the biggest starts to the brilliant meteorites arriving here at the Universal Movie Awards. There's a moon who is up for a supporting role award, and the Perseid meteor shower, which is nominated for special effects. And there's Mars, blending right into the red carpet. They all better hurry inside and take their seats. The show is about to start with the Best Picture Award. They're starting with the Best Picture Award? Of course! Out h

Let the good times roll.

"You've got some beard in your food."

'Wh..? Hey, get hold of yourself, you've been flying ever since you were hatched!'

A man with a unibrow sneezes and the unibrow becomes his moustache.

"Poor lady, she never wins these pageants. She has a really weird run."

"Push, push, push! There's always one that wants to be the first in line!"

Flying carpet

'Guess who made it through the winter?'

Celebrity Gold