Sewing Humorist Gifts

A Doctor sewing up a Patient's incision with a sewing machine.

'Flight simulator'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

The Mafia Goes Green.

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"I like a diet rich in surfers."

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

'Under this blubber, pal, there are abs and muscle you wouldn't believe!'

"Okay, maybe we should count assembling the exercise bike as your first workout."

'Is that the trebuchet?'

Do not feed the bears. But you can contribute to our Kickstarter fund.

"Wow, 27, not bad! Me, I've ruined 53 surfing competitions..."

"But plague spreading is all I know?"

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

Airport security - next step?

!I haven't a clue what they are, but I don't like the look of them."

Cuffwear, 2004

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

Arctic Sign - You are here.

Police artist drawing a snarling dog while an injured cat desribes him

'That's your limescale problem sorted.'

"Now that the kids and grandkids are grown I can get back to more erotic embroidery."

No one could figure out why business was off.

'It's alright-he won't bite!'

"Your honor, we find the defendant quilty on all counts."

Newspaper circulation gauge.

Caution - Falling Rock Musicians.

'The law is clear. The salami sandwich sits downwind from the bench.'

You can ask for a thread there!

Did you see our favorite comic strip today. The oldy Oldersons. Lemme see! Jebediah Drake's The Oldersons by Abner Drake, Jr. Oldena, you know, I can never tell the difference between pastrami and corned beef. Don't be so rye. Hilarious! But you know what bothers me? It's only in 95% of newspapers. Some papers are replacing it with new strips. What?! Mobilize the troops! The most powerful political group in America: AARC. The American Association of Retired Cartoon Readers. Give us Oldy or give

'Just your credit cards. I don't feel safe carrying cash these days.'