Sewing Humorist Gifts

A Doctor sewing up a Patient's incision with a sewing machine.

'Flight simulator'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

The Mafia Goes Green.

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"I like a diet rich in surfers."

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

Airport security - next step?

"Wow, 27, not bad! Me, I've ruined 53 surfing competitions..."

"Okay, maybe we should count assembling the exercise bike as your first workout."

"But plague spreading is all I know?"

'Is that the trebuchet?'

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

'Under this blubber, pal, there are abs and muscle you wouldn't believe!'

!I haven't a clue what they are, but I don't like the look of them."

Cuffwear, 2004

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

Arctic Sign - You are here.

Police artist drawing a snarling dog while an injured cat desribes him

'That's your limescale problem sorted.'

"Now that the kids and grandkids are grown I can get back to more erotic embroidery."

No one could figure out why business was off.

'It's alright-he won't bite!'

'The law is clear. The salami sandwich sits downwind from the bench.'

You can ask for a thread there!

Newspaper circulation gauge.

"Your honor, we find the defendant quilty on all counts."

Caution - Falling Rock Musicians.

'Just your credit cards. I don't feel safe carrying cash these days.'

'I finally found something I can do with my short arms...'