Severance Sympathizer Gifts

"Hey, at least you got a severance package."

"I didn't come all this way to do work."

The theory that ‘Time is Relative' came to the professor during a Decelerated Math Class.

"I enjoy the one day of the school year...that I didn't forget to do my homework."

A man at a cocktail party wears a nametag that reads "Trouble".

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

International Women's Day

"I suppose you're worried about your little peasant benefits."

"Let me take that for you."

"I'm not saying you have to give them up entirely, but you need to eat your young in moderation."

"Won't your boss miss you?"

Under zealous: ZZZZZZ!

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

'Don't talk to me about joint-pain...'

"Stop doggin' it!"

'Flamin' tourists...'

"If you look carefully through this beaker of oil everything looks so much better..."

"Bloody satellites..!"

Snail to Slug.

and WHAT is this thing stuck in my back garden..?

Scary Slug Stories

Neighbourhood watch and slug watch.

"What makes him a wine snob? He's been talking about the cork for 45 minutes and he thinks we're still listening."

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

'You wanted to see me when I woke up?'

"The only planet within a radius of 8975 light years . . . you're simply unable to back into a parking space!"

'I know but I have to consider him irreplaceable until I figure out what he does around here.'

Now, this is a good garden: full of weeds! The likelyhood of somebody trying to poison us here is very low...

Women History Month

Close encounter.

Labor day has union written all over it!"

Bloomerism - An American Custom

He's a rebel without a cause.

"Look, honey! All your lost eye glasses have mysteriously migrated to this drawer, and now they're plotting their next escape."