Settling A Legal Case Pillows

'Yes, I'm settling out of court.'

Trial by Media

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

Justice 4 Ron

Sue The Bastards

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"Manafort's was the best flip yet."

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'Overruled, you may continue.'

Counsel examining witness

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

'Must you be so judgemental?'

'After counsel said, 'You did it', the defendant said, 'Did not', followed by a, 'Did too'. . .'