Settlement Pillows

'It's all settled. You get the house and car. You get the kids. And you get custody of the canary.'

NYer uploaded by mod - "Come look, hon! We just got a new cactus!"

Moving in

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

...Well I've got to make sure I REALLY like where I am.

Yoghurt man

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'Your fee is causing us more mental anguish than the accident.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about inheritance tax."

Now I'll read your father's 6th will and testament, which I'm sure you know may change a few more times.

After Mr and Mrs Tooth and Nail you've got the Hammer and Tongs.

'This next song is for my ex-wife, because she owns it and collects all the royalties.'

"Let's remain open to closing as we are close to the opening."

'No, Harry - your roots are here!'

Bachelors talking about fashionable life versus marriage

I could only get a settlement of £50,000 and you get some of it.

The City of Eden…in Fact - Martin Outside the 'Office' of Chuzzlewit & Co

attorney at law

Solicitor tells divorcing couple: 'You must see that 'I'll have the bricks and she can have the mortar' is not very helpful,'

"CCCOOOLD!"

Lawyer: 'She got the house, he got the money, and somehow, I ended up with the kid.'

'To be fair, I didn't say I was good, I said I was expensive.'

'He's gone. Call the auctioneer.'

"It doesn't matter if anyone heard you fall, I am sure we can get you a large cash settlement."

'I'm having a hard-time unwinding during the prenup process.'

Another day in the lifestyles of the rich and famous...

"When I got divorced, I went through all the stages of grieving - sadness, anger, denial and punching the air with delight when the settlement cheque came through!"

"You know what I like about L.A.? We don't have to be interesting anymore."

"I want to be put on lifestyle support."

Divorce Court: High Five Area.

"It was the divorce, she took half of everything."

'There's one other thing. Your Aunt left you this, it's a nasty aftertaste.'

'Good news Mrs. Gibson: Novox Liposuction Inc. has agreed to settle out of court'.

"Walter? Tim here. Right. . . yeah. . . we got your settlement offer and I'm putting together our response right now."