Settlement T-Shirts

'It's all settled. You get the house and car. You get the kids. And you get custody of the canary.'

NYer uploaded by mod - "Come look, hon! We just got a new cactus!"

Moving in

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

...Well I've got to make sure I REALLY like where I am.

Yoghurt man

'Your fee is causing us more mental anguish than the accident.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

After Mr and Mrs Tooth and Nail you've got the Hammer and Tongs.

'This next song is for my ex-wife, because she owns it and collects all the royalties.'

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about inheritance tax."

'No, Harry - your roots are here!'

"Let's remain open to closing as we are close to the opening."

Bachelors talking about fashionable life versus marriage

The City of Eden…in Fact - Martin Outside the 'Office' of Chuzzlewit & Co

I could only get a settlement of £50,000 and you get some of it.

attorney at law

Solicitor tells divorcing couple: 'You must see that 'I'll have the bricks and she can have the mortar' is not very helpful,'

"CCCOOOLD!"

'He's gone. Call the auctioneer.'

'To be fair, I didn't say I was good, I said I was expensive.'

Lawyer: 'She got the house, he got the money, and somehow, I ended up with the kid.'

Another day in the lifestyles of the rich and famous...

"When I got divorced, I went through all the stages of grieving - sadness, anger, denial and punching the air with delight when the settlement cheque came through!"

'I'm having a hard-time unwinding during the prenup process.'

"You know what I like about L.A.? We don't have to be interesting anymore."

"It doesn't matter if anyone heard you fall, I am sure we can get you a large cash settlement."

"I want to be put on lifestyle support."

Divorce Court: High Five Area.

'There's one other thing. Your Aunt left you this, it's a nasty aftertaste.'

"It was the divorce, she took half of everything."

"Walter? Tim here. Right. . . yeah. . . we got your settlement offer and I'm putting together our response right now."

'Good news Mrs. Gibson: Novox Liposuction Inc. has agreed to settle out of court'.