Serving Pillows

'The usual.'

How to become the perfect waiter. Lesson 83.

WAITING ROOM

The giants waiting on the dwarfs

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

'One thing about this place - there's no waiting around between courses.'

Maid.

The moment Bradson's career as a butler came to an abrupt halt.

"I'm just doing this until my album breaks!"

Waiting staff

'I sent out for everything.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'A cheeky red?'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

'Do you have any catsup?'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

Fast food. Even faster food

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

"You owe me five bucks."

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"Rump roast?"

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."