Serving Size Skeptic Gifts

"It's only 5 calories a serving...but a serving is a crumb."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

All-Day Breakfast

Weight Gain Denial

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"It's two sizes too big, but it fits."

Woman and scales.

"I wouldn't have to go on a diet if we hadn't gone metric."

"Good news - You can get wine in pints now! Bad news - It's British wine."

Please seat to be weighted.

'Your weight second opinion.'

'You must have something in my size?'

'LIAR!'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

'No matter what you do, you can't cheat a bathroom scale...'

'Wine and food doesn't go to waste in this hous, but it does go to waist.'

"I'm binge ignoring everything you're binge watching."

'I've had raging hormones for the last 80 years.'

'You lie!'

They all have to get down the slide in 2.7 seconds or we lose our funding. In schools soon: The recess aptitude test.

"We gave every employee the latest fitness tracker wristband. It helps them keep tabs on our 35-step-per-day limit."

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

Lady getting her weight taken and machine exploding under pressure.

'You don't have anything in a smaller size do you?'

"Do you have this blouse in XXXXXXXXXL?"

Lady getting her weight taken and machine exploding under pressure.

Brownie Size/Okay to Eat

Weight Loss Cheat.

'I love me. . . I love me not!'

'Look, all I'm asking is that you turn your head, and I'll just read my weight to you.'

'This food is revolting. And such small portions.'

"It's not just compared to the table, damn it. This is a small portion."