Service Station Aficionado T-Shirts

"Faux wood grain towel dispensers, matching toilet plunbers, herb scented urinal cakes, where's it all end, Stan?"

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

'The customer is always right...'

"To keep prices down, we require you to cook your own food, wait in yourselves and wash your dishes."

"Nap time."

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

Fast Food Restaurant

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

"Thanks for waiting."

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

"We've found the problem. You folks don't own a car."

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

Boy cleaning servant's shoes

"If you seek the bathroom key, answer first these riddles three."

'You mean you want good communication and competent service?'

'We'll rotate them for free but you have to pay if you want 'em balanced.'

'I never get tipped!'

Coffee shop request for tea in china cup.

'Maybe complimentary refills wasn't such a good idea.'

Maid.

'I appreciate your enthusiasm in serving me but I never tip more than 15 percent.'

Charity for Petrol.

"We're out of tuna fish, but the kid in table six said you can have a bite of his tuna sandwich."

"Find my items... scan my items... pay for my items... bag my items..."

Bar Bar

'Are you out of your mind - can't you see I'm buying gas.'

Butler and Page Boy

All charged up and nowhere to go.

'I told you the waiter would remember you gave him a 2 cent tip the last time.'

Git It 'N' Git

The Mighty Hoover Dam.