Service Scene Enthusiast T-Shirts

"We're out of tuna fish, but the kid in table six said you can have a bite of his tuna sandwich."

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

'The customer is always right...'

"Nap time."

Fast Food Restaurant

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

Crazy Ideas

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

"Thanks for waiting."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

Boy cleaning servant's shoes

'You mean you want good communication and competent service?'

'We'll rotate them for free but you have to pay if you want 'em balanced.'

Coffee shop request for tea in china cup.

'I never get tipped!'

"Typical. They're happy to benefit from our service but just try and come in as a customer."

"Faux wood grain towel dispensers, matching toilet plunbers, herb scented urinal cakes, where's it all end, Stan?"

Maid.

'Your tip just went down substantially!'

'I appreciate your enthusiasm in serving me but I never tip more than 15 percent.'

"There's not much Gordon won't do for his clients!"

Butler and Page Boy

'I told you the waiter would remember you gave him a 2 cent tip the last time.'

Git It 'N' Git

"I'm glad you were satisfied with the service but please don't tell people or everyone will expect it."

"Yes Mr Wilkins, we do provide a comprehensive 24 hours service but I'm afraid that doesn't include a cashpoint facility."

"Check your oil? Empty your astray? Wipe your nose? Kiss youfeet?..."

Information. 2nd. Opinion.