Service Spotlight Lover Pillows

'Could I have a table near a waiter, please?'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

'What do you recommend?.' 'A big tip.'

'Hello Sir. I'm Jeff, and I'll be kissing your butt all evening in the hope of getting a decent tip.'

"It's not for you, it's for the paparazzi."

The Waiter

Media Whore Raceway.

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

"this week on, 'Celebrity Fear Factor,' contestants are threatened with total anonymity."

"There's nothing much happening tonight... so I'm going to just talk about myself!"

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

'Don't worry, he always feigns death when it comes to tipping.'

"Thanks for waiting."

'Is there a spotlight operator in the house?'

"If anyone wants me I'll be on the shop floor strutting my stuff."

Therapy - mobile.

It was the harshest job interviews Peter had ever attended...

'You're on my soapbox !'

'You mean you want good communication and competent service?'

'That's enough about me, now let's concentrate on you. What did you think of my performance?'

Coffee shop request for tea in china cup.

"I had to bite him once, but now I always get a great table."

Maid.

"Wait a minute - these are just the Ten Commandments of great customer service."

"Coming next to the stage, another fragile soul desperate for attention."

"Typical. They're happy to benefit from our service but just try and come in as a customer."

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

'I appreciate your enthusiasm in serving me but I never tip more than 15 percent.'

"We're out of tuna fish, but the kid in table six said you can have a bite of his tuna sandwich."