Service Desk Savior Gifts

'Can I see your supervisor? You don't make nearly enough money to listen to what I'm going to say!'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"Nihilistic customer service"

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

Not all service desk staff were pleased about the new bring your own device policy

TECHNICAL SUPPORT, 'Have you tried pounding it with your fist?'

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

System failure - calling for sysadmin...

"Please excuse the mess. We had a major paradigm shift."

'No Mam. The service charge does not include a change of oil.'

"I'm having a little difficulty adjusting. The last place I worked was a lot bigger."

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

"I can't work on this one. It's too ticklish."

"You fix it by buying a new one."

'Say what you like about Cloud Computing, but the technical support is amazing.'

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."

Captain Pointy No.44 - Thank heavens for Temps

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

'I think the computer has had it, Naoni.'

'Urgent customer announcement. Is there an EPOS systems programmer in the shop?'

"I had to bite him once, but now I always get a great table."

Great customer care is not optional.

"Oops - I think I hit 'enter.'"

Computer viruses

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

"For Father's Day, I'm giving my dad an hour of free tech support."

"The only calls not dropped are to your tech support."

'You'll be asked to rate my service after the meal, so could you give me a little hint just how much you expect from me?'

"I'm afraid a computer tech is going to have to be prematurely taken."

'Adjustment of your picture is necessary - call your repairman.'

'Get me the solicitors, Miss Smith. This counterclaim business is getting out of hand.'