Service Comparison Lover Pillows

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"We emphasize personal service. Our broker-client ratio is three to one."

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

Don't be afraid of criticism. Openly ask for feedback so you can improve service.

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

Couple Waiting for Service

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'

"Thanks for waiting."

'Don't worry, he always feigns death when it comes to tipping.'

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

"I'm not saying the lamb is good, but nobody's complained about it yet."

Therapy - mobile.

Psychic Dating Hotline

'Hello, Room Service? Send up the works!'

'You mean you want good communication and competent service?'

Coffee shop request for tea in china cup.

Cut out and keep your own Butler.

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

"Typical. They're happy to benefit from our service but just try and come in as a customer."

Maid.

Friendly bank/Formal bank.

'Could I have a table near a waiter, please?'

Patience.

'I appreciate your enthusiasm in serving me but I never tip more than 15 percent.'

"There's not much Gordon won't do for his clients!"

Internet Banking

"Yes Mr Wilkins, we do provide a comprehensive 24 hours service but I'm afraid that doesn't include a cashpoint facility."

"Check your oil? Empty your astray? Wipe your nose? Kiss youfeet?..."

"I appreciate your enthusiasm in serving me but I never tip more than 15 percent."

Information. 2nd. Opinion.

"I've added eighteen percent to your bill because it's more than fifteen percent."