Sermon Superstar Gifts

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"We missed you at church Sunday."

Monk Prompt

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

Girls in Science

Applause

The Waiter

"A reading from the first letter of Paul to the Corinthians..."

"Please refrain from throwing business cards."

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'

'Personally, I prefer a more traditional message for Easter Service.'

"I meant 'go and make disciples' after the sermon, Bob."

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

'I understand there have been complaints that his sermons weren't getting through to the teenagers.'

"Reverend your sermon was divine, naturally."

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

"An 'eight' for technical merit, Pastor, but only a 'five' for originality."

Super Bowl Sunday sermon: "Is it better to kick off or receive?"

"Well I did consider a career as a 'nursie'...but then I opted for the more rewarding option of specialising in particle physics and nanotechnology."

Pastor Joe never works blue: 'I avoid the sex and violence of the Old Testament.'

'Pastor Bob is so dramatic.'

"Like the boy scouts, Preacher; always prepared."

"Oh, me? I gave a seminar, wrote a unch of grants, did some experiments and now it's lunchtime."