Sermon Squad Pillows

Super Bowl Sunday sermon: "Is it better to kick off or receive?"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Dearly Besequinned . . . "

The Sleeping Congregation.

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

Applause

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

Delivery of Sermon within 30 minutes or your second one's FREE!

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

"A reading from the first letter of Paul to the Corinthians..."

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'

Today's Sermon: We come into this world with nothing and we leave with nothing. Is there any chance of a bailout?

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

Church: Open Sundays

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'

"I've been trying to apply that 'forgive and forget' principle..."

Words falling out of bible.

And then a voice came down from the Lord...

Vicar absent from church due to car boot sale.

"I stand corrected..."