Sermon Splashers Pillows

A hazard of river baptisms.

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Man's cooking explodes.

"We missed you at church Sunday."

The Perfect Cannonball

The Sleeping Congregation.

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

Best friends without borders.

A rainbow umbrella

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

'Where do you get your ideas from?'

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

And then a voice came down from the Lord...

Vicar absent from church due to car boot sale.

'...And remember, tune in next week at this same time for the exciting conclusion of 'David and Bathsheba.'!'

Words falling out of bible.

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

"Behold! NOW is the accepted time to repent!"

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

'Isn't it time you got over your silly fear of water?'

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

"And the weird shall inherit the Earth, for their ways are difficult for A.I. algorithms to figure out."