Sermon Sipper Pillows

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'You certainly have a well equipped workbench.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

"I forget to drink."

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

"The Ususal, Mr. B?"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'We're drinking to our round of golf...one shot at a time.'

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

The Stumble Inn Bar & Grill

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

"I sympathize with how important it is to you, John... but I simply can't bless your lure!"

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

Liquidity Lunch

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

'Can you recommend something that will make my date sound interesting.'

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

Male On Sunday

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

Corpse Reviver Number 2