Senior Sipper Pillows

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I don't care what anybody says, coffee just tastes better in a tree stand. . ."

Running Latte

A very fine vintage

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

Liquidity Lunch

Velvety. And so was the wine.

'Can you recommend something that will make my date sound interesting.'

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

Happy hour.

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

'Beer's more than just a food -- it's a comfort food!'

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

"One man's dirty water is another man's Earl Grey."

"Sipsies?"

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

"A friendly warning, pal—this is a sports bar."

Scariest Tactics

Men's Parallel Bars

"Generally speaking, when his nose gives way, it means he's had enough."

'It's better to drink a little too much than much too little!'

Homeworking has really been the death of the office party, what do you think?

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

Gin-etic Engineering

"I've never been wild about this bar, but it does get you where you want to go."

'Once I get started I drink like a fish.'

"Persistent, well-rounded, and full-bodied, with hints of smoke, and just a soupdon of irregularity."

Join me in a cosmopolitan?

"I'm at that point in my life where everything calls for a drink."