Senior Sipper Pillows

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

"I don't care what anybody says, coffee just tastes better in a tree stand. . ."

Running Latte

Soccer games took on a whole new meaning for the parents of Hillsdale Youth Soccer.

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

A very fine vintage

Liquidity Lunch

Velvety. And so was the wine.

'Can you recommend something that will make my date sound interesting.'

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

"One man's dirty water is another man's Earl Grey."

"Sipsies?"

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

'Beer's more than just a food -- it's a comfort food!'

Happy hour.

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

"A friendly warning, pal—this is a sports bar."

'It's better to drink a little too much than much too little!'

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

Men's Parallel Bars

Gin-etic Engineering

"I've never been wild about this bar, but it does get you where you want to go."

"Generally speaking, when his nose gives way, it means he's had enough."

Scariest Tactics

I say when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade

Homeworking has really been the death of the office party, what do you think?

'Once I get started I drink like a fish.'

"Persistent, well-rounded, and full-bodied, with hints of smoke, and just a soupdon of irregularity."

Join me in a cosmopolitan?