Sermon Splashers Gifts

A hazard of river baptisms.

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Man's cooking explodes.

"We missed you at church Sunday."

The Perfect Cannonball

The Sleeping Congregation.

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

Best friends without borders.

The young Michael Phelps: 'Just another four laps and I'll get out!'

A rainbow umbrella

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

'Where do you get your ideas from?'

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

Words falling out of bible.

'...And remember, tune in next week at this same time for the exciting conclusion of 'David and Bathsheba.'!'

And then a voice came down from the Lord...

Vicar absent from church due to car boot sale.

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

'Isn't it time you got over your silly fear of water?'

"I stand corrected..."

"And the weird shall inherit the Earth, for their ways are difficult for A.I. algorithms to figure out."

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'