Sermon Snoozers Pillows

"As it says in Matthew 26-40, 'So, you had not the strength to stay awake with me ONE hour?'"

'He won't be easy to catch. He's well rested - slept through the sermon.'

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

The Sleeping Congregation.

I do want you to have a role in the group,but I wasn't thinking of 'the bloke who sits at the back eating biscuits and having a bit of a nap'.

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

"Damn! I keep waking up in the middle of the day."

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

There's a VERY SIMPLE EXPLANATION. I snore like an alarm clock and my wife mistook my nose for the snooze button.

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'Not today,son-not on Fathers' Day!'

"If you don't wake up and get to work, I'm going to call your mom."

'The nurses tell me that you're having trouble sleeping, so I thought I'd try a sermon just to help.'

'Tommy falls asleep in class.'

Driver sees man in front of church with sign: 'Fell Asleep and Wet the Pew': 'Huh - a church that's into public shaming.'

"You're lucky you don't like worms. You get to sleep in."

"Baldo, time to get up! It's the first day of school!"

"Attendance is always down the Sunday after Father's Day. They all get fishing gear."

"Me, I've quit racing. I was very good at it, but I just couldn't hack the early training sessions..."

'...and blessed be our new church nursery, which allows certain congregation members to catch up on their sleep during my sermon.'

'Would you like seating in snoring or non-snoring?'

Fortunately the Pastor didn't realize it, but his wife's new 'mod' hat was actually a clever disguise for two canisters of coffee.

The sermon was so boring the Preacher put himself to sleep.

I was awake all last night. Me, too. I'm exhausted. Ditto!! Thank heavens for work. And for today's staff meeting! It's the only place I can sleep!

'God, I hate Sunday mornings.'

"The cat's sleeping." "She's so comfy." "If I move I'll wake her up." "The phone is ringing... They'll call back later." "I'm hungry... But it'll pass." "Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

Cats don't like to let the people that they live with have a lie-in.

'He's started jogging to work.'

Good luck with all the revision!!!

"Don't you dare touch that snooze button!"

'With the possible exception of my husband, we all enjoyed your sermon, Reverend.'