Sermon Sage T-Shirts

"Haven't you watched the news lately? There's no way to run out of sermon topics anymore!"

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Annual run-off at the mouth.

Lady of the bath...

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

The Paper Route

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

One way only.

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

Voltaire

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"First order of business...no more memos beginning 'Once Upon a Time.'"

"Time to administer scout leader first aid protocol..."

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

Three Witches from Macbeth

"Less roman, more clef."

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

Bishop with a crozier case.

"Pecos Bildungsroman"

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."