Sermon Appreciators T-Shirts

"After last week's incident, I'd like to talk about one of the lesser-known Commandments - Thou Shalt Not Heckle."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

The Pink Bantha

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

How's my sermon. . .

Shakespeare Quote

Sermon Applause.

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'All it needs is a ceiling fan.'

Fred and Nancy believed that their mutual love of a good sale would be enough to overcome 'the species issue'... but they were wrong.

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

Oscars 2024

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

Disease-y Top

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'

"He's always been an optimist."

The Clueless Diver

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."